Let's talk about decision fatigue. What is it and how can we help you feel a little less on edge.
What’s for dinner? How much should I feed the baby this time? Are you sure you want to give this vaccine? What pediatrician is best? Flying or road trip to see family? When is the best time for your extended family to meet baby? Another baby? When? Can we afford that? How do you know it is the right time?
Breathe mama. Easy in. Easy out.
You might be feeling what we call: Decision Fatigue. There are just sooo many decisions one must make in a single day of motherhood. And if you’re new here, these decisions are daunting. I mean even if you aren’t new here these decisions are daunting!!!! So much so that writing this makes me want to scream HELPPPPPPPPP, but I can’t because my baby is asleep on the other side of this wall and I have a client in 8 minutes.
Again. For my own sake as well: Breathe in, breathe out.
So what is decision fatigue? Decision fatigue is this phenomenon that occurs when your brain gets overloaded with that’s right: Decisions. It is a type of mental load that we as mama’s carry to constantly be thinking about our family’s wellbeing and the safety of our babies. We want them to not only survive but be comforted and cared for in this life. This means we most likely have a laundry list going in the back of our heads about what the right thing to do is or when the right time is or the best path forward.
I want to bring your attention and awareness to this subject so that next time you find yourself with shortness of breathe, a clouded mind and increased heart rate due to the feelings of overwhelm and stress you can speak this over yourself:
I am doing the best I can. I do not have all the answers and this is okay. I am safe. My baby is safe. My family is safe. If any one of us is not safe, I have the tools i need to take care of it if the situation comes up.
Now that we've regulated your nervous system a little and celebrated your gorgeous maternal energy, lets talk tips on how to create a little bit more space in your mind:
Tip #1 - Think about finding some question free time:
Even though I am exhausted I am VERY protective over my morning time before the kids wake up. I have found it is so important for my mental health that I get to simply be before I have to answer a single question. This may not be the morning for you, perhaps at the end of the night after bedtime or finding a few minutes during nap time. Whatever works for you! The important thing is for this to be a protected, question free zone where you get to just be a human.
Tip #2 - Come up with a code word:
My partner and I have a code word that we both use if either one of us is feeling overwhelmed with all the decisions. We simply speak it out loud while making eye contact and the other one does not ask any more questions. I know my partner is trying to help support me by asking me if I want more coffee or what I feel like eating, but after 3, 578 questions I have already had to answer that day I am toasted and need support in a form different than a question.
Tip #3 - Set a boundary:
Even though my 4 year old is still figuring out boundaries I still set them so she knows that she does not get to control my every thought and answer to her questions. If I am out in public or even having a conversation with my partner and she wants my attention I ask her to place her hand on my arm or shirt instead of asking me ‘mom, mom, mom, mom’ for 10 minutes straight. I then place my hand over hers so she knows that i know she wants my attention. I then give her my full attention for 2 minutes while she asks me her question. This will create more intention in our communication and not have me splitting my attention between two different conversations.
Closing Thoughts
This sounds really great and works most of the time but there are definitely days where I don't even remember to use these tips myself. Motherhood is hard and there will be days that feel harder than others. And you can do hard things.
I am here in this with you reminding you to extend gratitude for something in your life and breathe intention into your role as a parent. You've got this.
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